No One Likes a Fucking Eeyore: Being Positive

We all have that friend, right? That fucking Debbie Downer who, no matter how you steer the conversation, he or she is gonna steer it back to the fact that the planet is collapsing into a black and toxic, shriveled ball; the Middle East is ready to explode any second now; last week approximately 8,395 underaged girls were sexually exploited while you enjoyed your triple latte; and that meat you just ate definitely just gave you and the planet cancer. 

Trust me, I know. I am that friend. 

I obsess over that shit. Mainly I obsess over that shit because I’m a reader. I like being well-informed which, unfortunately, in this day and age, means getting fed a steady diet of doomsday media HOLY FUCKBALLS, YOU’RE ALL GONNA DIE ridiculous messaging. No one’s just reporting a story with simple facts without an ulterior agenda, so it’s hard not to come away from your morning coffee and head into your day without a knot in your stomach and the fear that today will be your very last day on Earth. 

What’s more, everything that happens seems to have to be someone’s fault, even in situations that are ludicrous. Earth opens up and swallows a man’s home? It’s that fucker Obama’s fault! Tornados touch down in the Midwest? If those assholes in Congress would get off their assholes and admit that Creation should be taught in schools, this wouldn’t have happened!!! 

The desire to have the general populace afraid and angry was exposed long ago and has been long discussed in movies, books, and articles so I’m not gonna rehash it here. We know that it behooves Fox News, CNN, and MSNBC to keep us riled up. 

And I’ve tried, oh lord, I’ve tried to cull my Facebook of all the doomsday crap. I’ve stopped liking all the news sites, I’ve hidden all my downer friends, I refuse to get into stupid arguments with dumbasses on Internet forums. But I refused to stop reading the news altogether. I just didn’t want to be THAT uninformed. 

But now I’m throwing in the towel on that too. I’m saying fuck it to that as well. I’m joining the masses of Americans who cram their heads in the sand and get interviewed as part of those late-night, “man on the street” segments where they ask stupid questions to stupid people like “How many states are in the United States?” and some gum-smacking, tube-top-wearing teen twirls her hair and says “Um, like, thirty?” and then Jon Stewart shows the clip the next night and makes fun of how moronic we all are. Imma be that girl who mistakes Australia for Austria and thinks we should bomb the shit out of the Czech Republic when they start talking about the Chechnyan rebels. 

Honestly, Ferguson was the last straw, and I’m not gonna get into a rant about race in this country because we all know how productive that will be, but the entire thing just made me more impotent and sad than even the average American tragedy, and so I’m just walking away from the American news dialogue. I’m taking a hiatus for my own personal sanity. If you want to be happy, you have to do things that make you happy, and reading the horror story that is the news does not make me happy. Not just because of the topics being covered, but sadly, because of the way these topics are being covered. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to find outlets that present news covered without sensationalism, without bias, and in a way that is trustworthy. So fuck it, I’m walking away. 

And maybe it’s the pussy’s way out, but guess what? Zero fucks given! I’ll use that time to read fiction. Or binge-watch some stupid show I’ve already watched, for all I care. All I know is that I’m not scrolling through my feed feeling the weight of the shitty world bearing down on my shoulders, feeling like people suck it super hard, feeling like I can’t do a damn thing about it, then going out into the world with loads of anger and sadness towards humanity. 

And the lightness of being I feel as a result? Meh, it’s bearable.