Genius

If you’ve ever had to shop for a shrink when you’re depressed as fuck knows that it’s about as exhausting as trying to fuck in a kayak. I’d rather sit in a sweat lodge with a naked Rick Perry than shrink shop. 

And when you find a good one, it’s like the clouds part and a beam of sunlight hits you like a spotlight from heaven and you think “Just maybe someone will be able to help me with my sad sack of shit I’ve been toting around for the last X years.” 

I’ve found her. She specializes in pain management psychology, but we still work on all the normal shit that you would work on with a shrink, it’s just the underlying goal is to figure out what’s causing the pain. At this point, they can’t find any physiological reason I’m in pain, so now we turn to headshrinking to see if there’s a psychological reason my brain in constantly sending pain messages to my feet. 

I’ve only been to her three times, but I already like the way we’re approaching treatment. She does not fuck around. In the second session, she said “Part of your problem is that you’re cognitively understimulated.” 

Basically, I’m bored. Which I’ve known and have been struggling with for years. Then she says “You have what’s called a Genius Brain.” And I was all 

No, it’s not like I’m some unfuckingdiscovered Mozart or Einstein or anything. But she thinks that my brain is oriented to quickly seeing the big picture, making connections, figuring out solutions, and then losing interest in the details. So basically, I’m the asshole that comes in, figures out how it should be done, then leaves the actual work for everyone else. 

Yeah, that sounds like me. What a dick. 

She’s like “What it sounds like to me is that this started with depression that stemmed from chronic pain, but now we’ve got an existential crisis thrown in there somewhere.” Yeah, pretty much. That I need that feeling of leaving my mark somehow—either regarding depression or politics or food or humor or social commentary or something for christssakes. I have all these things I’m good at, but nothing that I’ve landed on that I’d consider a passion. Nothing that keeps my interest for longer than a nanosecond. 

I’m very interested to hear how other people get motivated when staring down a big project. How do you brainstorm? Manage the details and individual tasks? Keep from shrugging your shoulders and saying “fuck it, this just got hard”? Here I am, trying every goddamned thing I know, not only to think of ideas to try, but also how to keep up with the follow-through on some of these fucking things. I’ve got three projects “in the works ” and can’t seem to push forward on any of them. I can’t figure out if that means I’m a fucking lazy twat or if that’s a sign that what I’m brainstorming isn’t really something that will interest me in the long run. 

I have a big pile of unpleasant work for the J-O-B looming over my fucking head right now, so this endless navel gazing will have to wait for a bit. 

I’m seriously, shoot me a message on FB or leave a comment. I need motivational tips. What do you bitches do to stay focused on the prize?