Feelin' Free as a Falcon's Fart These Days

I’m alive. I haven’t been ignoring you, my precious little buddhafaces. Life has just been busy as fuck, which is good, considering life usually consists of me spending most of my time lying in my bed binge-watching old shows. I guess that represents improvement. For me, busyness = happiness, I’ve discovered. Big things are happening. No, not THAT big thing. Yet. Gotta get my ducks in a row, as The Bobs say. Gotta get a few big-ticket items in our lives paid off first. Our car is shitting the bed, and we have two sets of plane tickets to pay for first.

In the meantime, I met with my good friend, Thor. Yes, I know someone named Thor and you don’t. Jealous? He’s an übernerd and and all-around good guy who is helping me conquer my fear of all things tech so that I can get the podcast started! So yeah, it shouldn’t be long before you’ll be able to hear my gentle, dulcet tones coming through your phone as you commute to work in the morning.

I’ve pretty much settled on a format where I interview a different person each podcast and ask them how they pursue happiness. I figure I will get some fucking great answers, especially in this neck of the woods. Whether it’s competitive hot dog eating, power knitting, running a cat cafe, going to a nudist camp, shooting heroin, playing bass in an all-female Kiss cover band, or doing capoeira while ‘shrooming, people around here are not afraid to follow their passions. And that’s what I want to explore. You ask the average person on the street what they want, and nine out of ten of them will say “I guess I just wanna be happy.” Yet so few people actually ARE happy, despite the fact that we spend billions of dollars in hundreds of different industries pursuing it.

And I figure there will be weeks where I’ll pursue my own kooky versions of happiness, so don’t be surprised if there are episodes where I take a field trip to a sensory deprivation tank or the horse track or to the School of Male Genital Massage and report on that shit because why the fuck not? My adventures are your gain. For me, staving off depression involves being out in the world and forcing myself to interact with my community and trying new shit. I was not put on this earth to lie in bed all day and watch life pass me by. That’s what I feel the shittiest about when my feet are hurting and I’m holed up in my house lying in my own emotional filth. So the podcast is a bit of therapy for me as well as an ego biscuit, I guess.

I’ll tell you what else is therapy for me. I leave for Florida on Thursday to lie on white-sand beaches for four days with my two best bitches, so I best wrap this up so I can get some actual work done during my short week. I hope you Buddhas are hanging in there. What are you doing to be happy these days? I’ve been really bad about meditating and exercising. And I’ve been eating like shit too. I’m doing the whole “I’m turning over a new leaf after my birthday next week, I promise…no for real” bullshit right now. I know y’all have been there with me. Next week it’s all kale and quinoa.

No. For real.

Update: I didn’t get this posted pre-Florida. Oops! It was pure lounging loveliness! A recharge. Plus, I spent the plane rides to and fro wooing the gay flight attendants into giving me all of the planes’ supply of Jack Daniel’s for free. Nice to know I haven’t lost my touch as a Fag Hag of the Highest Order.